The (new) jokes thread.....

Discussion in 'Chat and Banter' started by slim_boy_fat, Aug 19, 2015.

  1. Singvogel
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    Singvogel Staff Member Moderator WARLORD Site Supporter

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    How to speak Kiwi.png
     
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  2. Singvogel
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    Singvogel Staff Member Moderator WARLORD Site Supporter

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    A man walks into a BMW showroom.
    He says to the salesman, “My wife would like to talk to you about the Volkswagen Golf in the showroom window.”
    Salesman says, “We haven't got a Volkswagen Golf in the showroom window.”
    The man replies, “You have now mate".
     
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  3. Singvogel
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    Singvogel Staff Member Moderator WARLORD Site Supporter

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    Just saw this on the Money Saving Expert pages.

    Top tip,

    Servicing cars is a scam supported by garages as a money making scheme, and should be ignored.

    It is a known fact that if you do not replace your tyres the treads wear down so you end up with a greater contact area which is better for grip, the smaller diameter also helps with acceleration due to the lower gearing due to the smaller wheel diameter. Get down to the canvass and steel bracing will also give better grip in wintery conditions.

    Not changing your oil means you will have less in your sump and this means your engine will heat up quicker and get you engine up to its operating temperature sooner. This can also be helped by not having much / any water in your radiator.

    Also not changing your oil will make what oil you do have a lot thicker so it will create a better cushion for all the moving parts. It’s even better when what oil you do have is lost completely as then the engine will then seize and you won’t be able to drive anywhere so your running costs will then be massively reduced. Conversely your oil may go very thin in which case it will give less resistance to the moving parts thus making your engine a lot more efficient and save fuel. (Sometime this can be helped by adding a little water into you oil).

    Likewise air filters get more efficient as they get clogged up and will will prevent even more crap getting into your engine and damaging it

    Spark plug gaps will either increase due to wear, thus giving a weaker spark which will save electricity, or conversely they will build up giving a smaller gap resulting in a bigger spark which will give better combustion, (a real win win scenario).

    It’s also best to let your brake pads / discs wear down to nothing as you will then get metal to metal contact, and it’s a known fact that metal to metal contact generates lots of heat and will eventually seize your brakes completely giving you the “ultimate” braking performance.

    Not replacing wiper blades also negates the need to clear the windscreen in snow / icing conditions and reduces the risk of them subsequently breaking off...

    If the worst comes to the worst you can rest assured that the car manufacturers will always offer you a full refund on your car regardless of it's age and mileage, normally on any car as long as it less than 20 years old and under 250k miles...
     
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  4. slim_boy_fat
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    slim_boy_fat WARLORD Site Supporter

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    You know there are folk out there who will believe all or some of that. They walk among us.....:rofll:
     
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  5. mach one
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    mach one WARLORD

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    they certainly exist on money saving expert. a recent thread where a guy was going to buy some Bridgestone S001 runflats for his 1er one of the reples was

    now that is money saving at its best
     
  6. GunRunner
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    GunRunner WARLORD

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    There is a lot of windups on the forum. Just looking to get a response.:wavey::whistling:
    :rofll:
     
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  7. slim_boy_fat
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    slim_boy_fat WARLORD Site Supporter

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    I don't recall ever being on that one.
     
  8. mach one
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    mach one WARLORD

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    it is worth a mooch for entertainment purposes only. you get interesting threads like "Snow broke my wipers

    and when it was pointed out that wipers are not designed for clearing fresh snow off your windscreen they went on to say l didn't know that maybe they should have told me when l passed my test not to do it

    whether they are genuine or a wind up some make for amusing reading

    forums.moneysavingexpert.com/motoring
     
  9. Singvogel
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    Singvogel Staff Member Moderator WARLORD Site Supporter

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    My quote was from a thread entitled : 'Car loosing petrol quick'.

    The OP replies:
    Changing spark plugs etc changing oil i haven't. If the oil light comes on i just fill it up. Othet than that never got it changed ever.

    At the bottom of the most recent reply is says:
    When I was 16 I couldn’t even spell “engineer”…now I are one....

    A brilliant forum if you need a smile. :D
     
  10. slim_boy_fat
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    slim_boy_fat WARLORD Site Supporter

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    Had a look....I've better ways of letting my life ebb away. :D
     
  11. pje16
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    pje16

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    Buzz Aldrin was the first man to go the toilet on the moon
    he took a "giant leak" for mankind :LOL:
     
  12. Singvogel
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    Singvogel Staff Member Moderator WARLORD Site Supporter

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    As some of you may know I'm a keen bird-watcher and nature enthusiast.

    I was amazed today when I was in the garden shed to see a nest on the top shelf near the open window.

    I quietly approached to see if it was occupied and to my amazement at that moment the mother bird arrived to feed the little ones.

    Fortunately I had my camera with me to catch this endearing picture of the mother Wrench feeding her little family:

    Mother Wrench.jpg
     
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  13. Singvogel
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    Singvogel Staff Member Moderator WARLORD Site Supporter

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    It makes me sick when people forget to add an apostrophe.

    If it happens again, I'll be ill.

    :ROFLMAO:
     
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  14. Highsided
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    Highsided

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    That's bad
     
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  15. Singvogel
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    Singvogel Staff Member Moderator WARLORD Site Supporter

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    green parasol.jpg

    That's a pic of my latest purchase.

    Finally, after years of sacrifice, hard work and savings, I've managed to buy a green umbrella - :whistle:
     
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  16. a.s.uk
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    a.s.uk WARLORD

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    Great that Bob


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
     
  17. Singvogel
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    Singvogel Staff Member Moderator WARLORD Site Supporter

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    I just heard about a guy with an Alfa-Romeo who asked what the cap /cover marked 0170 was for.

    0170.jpg
     
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  18. Merc? No. BM!
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    Merc? No. BM! WARLORD Site Supporter

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    Lol(io). :D
     
  19. Singvogel
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    Singvogel Staff Member Moderator WARLORD Site Supporter

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    I hear there is a severe shortage of walking sticks. The factory can't get the staff....
     
  20. Merc? No. BM!
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    Merc? No. BM! WARLORD Site Supporter

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    That joke’s even worse than mine! :LOL::LOL:
     

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